devilrie:

the other night i tried to make a curry and i got chilli burns all over my face, so i thought to myself ‘hang on, doesn’t milk soothe chilli burns? it does’ and i couldn’t google because i couldn’t see so i just had to blindly feel my way to the fridge and pour out a bowl of milk, and then plant my face in the bowl of milk, anyway at that point the rice cooker went off and triggered a power surge which turned my electricity off, which i didn’t notice at first because i had my face in a bowl of milk and when i did emerge from the dairy prison i thought i had gone blind with chilli burns. so no i don’t really cook much.

frogparty:

taking a bite out of warm, freshly baked bread? thats what love is

If you’ve ever wondered why Messenger drives a Very Small Scooter despite other vehicles being able to actually carry stuff better: this is why.

bigbeefyladies:

i don’t get how ppl can hate the rain ? like…..the ocean came all this way to give the world tiny kisses & u treat her like this ???

fresnosnightcrawlers:

My mom: you know what happens if you google mothman,,, he comes to your window,,,,,

Me:

fartgallery:

fartgallery:

just discovered a neat trick. if you make brownies but dont cut them, you can eat the whole slab and say you only ate 1 brownie

do not do this